Cat's very delayed response to her TP exp

1. Your overall response to the TP experience

In all honesty, this post took so long to come because I really don't know what to say about my TP experience. I cannot even tell a casual acquaintance simply if it was 'good' or 'bad'. It was tempting to skip this reflection completely (even at the expense of incurring some unpleasant consequences) because I did not want to confront the TP experience. I am afraid I am holding a can of worms and I am not sure I want to open it.

Let me comment generally on the school. Discipline and school culture wise, I got lucky, considering the repute of the schools in the region. The school has a very supportive discipline system in place and the principal takes it upon herself to come down very hard on wayward students. This puts in place a very rigorous school culture where both staff and students are expected to put in their 200% once they are in the school.

Doesn't it sound good? Yes. This attitude was one of the most attractive things about the school. I like the fact that teachers are explicitly accountable. In addition, nothing less than their best efforts was demanded of the students. It was great.

However, there is something wrong with the picture. There is something gnawing at me but up till now, I cannot pinpoint what it is that I am uncomfortable with. Hence, I report everyday for work, I put in my bestest efforts, I try to stay afloat and alive, and I don't think about how I really feel about the school.

I did/do not think about what "was not in my job scope" or how I expected the people to behave towards me. Therefore, I have no complaints about insane workload (because I don't know if they are REALLY EXTRA WORK) or unfriendly staff (it's expected)... etc. As far as I was concerned, I was there to learn. I was also the lowest rookie. So what can I really say? I accept everything that was thrown at me (yes, even the undiplomatic lecture I had) and I take down the good things I want to learn. If something was questionable or appears ineffective, I find ways not to do it in my classes and keep a lookout for opportunities to surface it to people who can do something about it.

So you ask me what is my overall response to my TP experience and my reply is that, "It was ok." What else can I say? It was not fantastically drop-jaw inspiring, neither was it drop-jaw I-Cannot-Believe-This-Is-What-I'm-In-For terrible. Boring, lor? I don't know, honestly. It is possible that I am being apathetic about the whole experience. Very tiring to be upset, right? :P


2. What are some learning points/ `growing’ points which you have taken away from all these encounters/ experiences, good and not so good?

Growing points. Learning points. Mmm.

I learnt that you are your own best bet, besides mr God. It was not that my CTs were unfriendly, critical, unhelpful people--no. They were actually quite good coaches and gave me room to explore and learn. They were encouraging but not overebearing... etc. etc.

I say that you are your own best bet because during this TP, I really feel that sometimes, no matter how much help you ask for or how much advice you listen to, at the end of the day You are still the Teacher, in charge of Your Lesson, with Your students. So often, at the end of the day, the most useful and helpful thing to do is just to sit down quietly and really listen to Yourself. What do you want to do? What are you really hoping to achieve with these kids? What do they really need to learn? Will all the fancy KWLPBLSCAMPERJigsawGroups really help them to learn what you want them to learn?

This TP has taught me to be more confident in my abilities as a teacher and orchestrator. I wrote lesson plans for every lesson that I taught for the whole 10 weeks. It was very gruelling, but it was very good. Lesson plans are not a chore when you are truly honest with yourself about what you want to do with the lesson. The fancy strategies and labels will only hinder and obscure your purpose if you don't know what you really want to do. It was very discouraging when you see/hear trainees throwing labels into their lesson plans and concocting up a storm because at the end of the day, have their students really gained anything? Have they gained anything for themselves as teachers?

Hai. Learning points. What have I learnt. Teaching is a tough profession. It demands so much from a person as a person. To run this race well, it is so important to surround yourself with like-minded and motivated runners. It is important to have a support circle of peers who will cheer and encourage you when you are not sure why you should not just throw in the towel already. It is important, lah :P, and I can only hope we will each find this circle of people to come alongside us as we run the tough first years ahead.

Cheers. :)